The Milwaukee Area T.I. User Group Newsletter


********* April 1999 **********



Club Officers
-------------
President - Ted Zychowicz - tedzychowicz@juno.com - 414-453-1034
Vice-President - Jonathon Johnson - johnsonn@milwaukee.tec.wi.us
Treasurer - Denis Dann - denisdann@yahoo.com - 414-545-5933
Newsletter - Gene Hitz - genehitz@juno.com - 414-535-0133
Geneve - Tim Tesch - ttesch@execpc.com

MAUG Web page - http://members.tripod.com/~genehitz/maug.html

*** Our Newsletters are now also on our web page ***

Mailing address - 4122 N. Glenway, Wauwatosa, WI 53222-1116

Main MAUG meeting - 3rd Saturdays - noon til 4PM
Mayfair Community Room, Mayfair Shopping Center, North Avenue & Hwy 100

PC Hocus meeting (PC SIG) - 3rd Thursday - 7PM til 10PM
Franklin State Bank, 7000 South 76st Street

Annual Club dues now only $5.00 (cheap!)

===========================

Index:

(01) TALK-BACK - Letters to the Editor
(02) This explains PC99 very well.
(03) TIMUG (2nd March Update) & last minute changes
(04) Y2K May Have its Good Side Too:
(05) Understanding Computer Terms
(06) A Bunch of Interesting E-Mail Lists to Subscribe to
(07) The INTERNET and the TI99/4A
(08) Potential But Not Likely Hallmark Cards
(09) Easy Answers to Difficult Questions
(10) Helpful Tips To Make Life Simpler
(11) Barry Traver's Genial TRAVelER
(12) Urban Myths
(13) Lines from Actual Resumes
(14) How to Make a Bootable 800K Horizon
(15) Solve This Riddle

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From: Tim Tesch
Date: Sun, 28 Mar 1999 01:17:28 -0600
Subject: tragedy

I'll may be out of touch for a while. Some of you may have caught the news, others out of state probably not. The older of my two younger brothers (Mike), along with his wife (Nicki), were killed late friday night in a car accident near grafton. they tried to avoid a deer, she was thrown out of the car, my brother got out of the rolled-over vehicle to try and save her, and they were both struck by oncoming traffic.

I'm still in shock after the 4:00am police visit; but I know they are in a much better place now. It is definitely comforting that Easter is right around the corner. It's going to be a little rough for a while, so keep that in mind if you do try to contact me or my family.

Let others know as you see fit. Your thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated....

Tim

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Hi Gene
I assume you got the internet article yesterday. Anyway, this is the first weekend I have had off for a long time. So finally got to read the rest of the March NL. Very good, it just keeps getting better. My wife had me print out the section on computer viruses/rather funny. Good mix of topics.
Reading the section on Support, reminded me of a situation at work last year. They had just installed ethernet cables through 2" conduits up through the floor. The conduit extended about 6" above the floor, with a half inch diameter cable coming out of it. The cable needed to run only about 10'but they used 100' pre-made lengths with the excess in a big loop on the floor. After about two days of tripping over this, I decided to see how much of the cable could be stuffed down the conduit. To my suprise, all 90' of excess cable fit down the conduit, nice and neat. A short time
later the network quit working. Then all these complaints started coming in about a big long wire hanging down in a loop from the ceiling in aisle "F" in the parking garage. Cars were getting tangled in it and people tripping on it etc.
Well, the ethernet cable is back in a big loop on the floor where I again trip over it every day.

Lew King

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(02) This explains PC99 very well.
This is a reply to the post by Andy Frueh about emulator capabilities. It addresses specific references to PC99.

1. Full set of cards.
PC99 includes the following:
TI 32K memory
Myarc 512K memory
TI Disk Controller (up to DSSD)
Myarc Disk Controller (up to DSDD)
TI RS232
TI p-Code
A "PC99 card" which has a real-time clock emulation. The purpose of this card is to allow a user with knowledge of assembly language and of programming Device Service Routines (DSRs) to develop new cards. Examples that come to mind are the IEEE card, or support for a mouse. CaDD has a license from TI to supply all the ROMs and GROMs in the above cards.

2. Super AMS support
PC99 includes this as standard. The user can choose a 128Mb, 256Mb, 512Mb, or 1024Mb emulation.

3. Support for 80 columns.
PC99 emulates the TMS9918A only. It does not emulate the 9938 or 9958, therefore, PC99 does not support 80 columns.

4. Huge RAM disks.
The Myarc card allows for a RAM disk of slightly larger than DSDD. This is in addition to the four drives supported by the Myarc controller.

So, this gives you a maxium of 5 x DSDD storage devices on line. Off-line, you can store any number of "disks" in the DOS file system. This method emulates the TI exactly. It also allows you to easily swap disks between a real 4A and PC99. There is virtually no advantage in having a RAM disk in terms of performance.

5. An EASY way to change disks.
The command in the PC99 debugger is: cd (number), e.g. cd 2, will change the file used by emulated disk 2. The next prompt asks for a path, which you have to type in:
e.g. \pc99\dsk\games3.dsk
There is no Windows type selection box to do this. This would be a useful feature to add.

6. Utility to replace the OS.
You can do this today in PC99. Simply replace the TI ROMs and/or GROMs files and you have a new OS. In fact, PC99 comes with the standard TI ROMs and GROMs, as well as OPA's SOB ROMs and GROMs. For fun ,we also included the "CDC ROMs". These only have the TI logo replaced with the have often wondered wtih all the talk that goes on on this server, why no one has appreciated this feature. It makes development of new ROMs and or GROMs for the 4A so easy. Given the above, PC99 is in fact also a GRAM device emulator, since from the debugger you can access any part of ROM or GROM and make changes on the fly.

7. Speech support
PC99 includes under license from TI the Speech Synthesizer ROM. PC99 includes support for all Speech Synthesizer functions, e.g. CALL SPGET. It also means you can run programs such as Lasso. This means we understand the format of the instructions sent to the Synthesizer. These are described in the TMS5200 manual (actually one of its derivatives as we have not been able to locate the original.) What we have not been able to do is make the correct (or any) sounds on the Sound Blaster using the SB DSP. (The standard TI 3-channel sound and noise is emulated using the FM portion of the SB card.)

The first thing that happens when the above is said is: "Oh this works in v9t9." Closer inspection reveals that it does not, or the quality is so poor that it is unacceptable.

Next, we get: "On the MAME site there is an emulator for the 5200, since it was used in Gorf.." This has almost exactly the same low-level code that we have already for the TMS5200, but it does not have any code to connect to the Sound Blaster. Oh, and from a programmer's point of view the documentation quality of both pieces of code could be improved.

Finally, we have made in the past (and still do today) an offer to any programmer (TI or not) to come up with code or a callable library to do speech and we will make some kind of a business arrangment to incorporate this in PC99. So far.. not one taker.

Our specification for speech calls for what we would describe as correct and full emulation. It would be quite easy to digitize the known TI speech sounds, e.g. in XB and Parsec and deliver these with PC99. Then, if you are in XB, and we detected an access into the speech ROM, we would know what word or phrase was being looked for. We could then play the appropriate VOC file.

We do not think this is the right way to do it. In computer terms this is just a kloodge. After many years in this business you will find that a kloodge always returns to bite you in the place where it makes sitting a painful experience..

Our way of doing speech would allow _any_ TI module that has speech to work without any specific knowledge of the module by PC99. If this happened, then things like TEII would work too.

If it makes anybody any happier, I am quite willing to admit that I just don't have the smarts to get this working and, right now, not that much time to devote to looking into it.

Thanks
Mike Wright mjmw@ix.netcom.com (for CaDD Electronics)

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(03) TIMUG (2nd March Update)
see last minute changes below

Scheduled Speakers:
(Please note, the following list is alphabetical and not in order of appearance.)

Dave Connery - Tutoring for new Geneve users
Dan Eicher - GPL Development Kit demonstration
Charles Good - Demonstrating the TI-74
Bruce Harrison - The End of an Era
Lew King - TI-99/4A communicates with a 56K baud modem
Tony Knerr - SGCPU & HSGPL card demonstrations
(Will also be available for Geneve consultation)
Ron Markus - Software and hardware by RamCharged Computers
Tim Tesch & Ted Zychowicz - Open Forum for Myarc Geneve 9640

User Groups Represented:
Computer Users of Erie - Hoosiers User Group
Lima User Group - Milwaukee Area User Group
Northcoast 99ers - TI-Chips

For more details of TIMUG=9299, just click on the following hyperlink
http://members.stratos.net/harryhoffy/newsletter/

************** last minute changes **********************

Due to circumstances beyond our control, we have been forced to reschedule TIMUG99 to Saturday, June 12th. The Friday evening get
together has been canceled. (Unless one of our guests is willing to have the get together at their motel.)
The conference site and hours will remain as originally announced. (7:00 AM to 7:00 PM at Spang Mansion on Kolthoff Drive in Brookpark, Ohio.)
Only the date has been changed to Saturday, June 12th.
Please accept our sincere apologies for any inconvenience this change may have caused.
Glenn BernasekSecretary - TI-ChipsGBBasics@aol.com

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(04) Y2K May Have its Good Side Too:
January 4, 2000
Dear Valued Employee:
Re: Vacation Pay

Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 100 year(s). As I am sure you are aware, employees are granted 3
weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off. One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service.

Please either take 9,400 days off work or notify our office and your next pay check will reflect payment of $8,277,432.22 which will include
all pay and interest for the past 1,200 months.

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(05) Understanding Computer Terms

486 - The average IQ needed to understand a P.C.

State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.

Obsolete - Any computer you own.

Microsecond - The time it takes for your State - of - the - art computer to become obsolete.

GUI (pronounced "gooey") - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.

Computer Chip - Any starchy food stuff consumed in mass quantities while programming.

Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by most computer salesmen.

Portable Computer - A device invented to force business men to work at home, on vacation and on business trips.

Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.

System Update - A quick method of trashing ALL of your current software.

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(06) A Bunch of Interesting E-Mail Lists to Subscribe to

Daily Fun Facts
majordomo@redweb --- subscribe funfacts

Juicy Gossip about movie & television stars
majordomo@dimensionx.com --- subscribe juice

Senior Citizens chat group
listserv@sjuvm.stjohns.edu ---
subscribe agesmart

Humor list
listproc@csf.colorado.edu ---
subscribe humornet

Baudy Humor
sking@direct.ca --- (in subject line) subscribe baudy.net

Jake's Weekly joke list
jackjk@waynet.net --- subscribe

Fiction Essays
listserv@home.ease.lsoft.com ---
subscribe espresso-fiction

Newsletter - misc, humor, tips, articles, recipes, free items
list-request@lofcom.com ---
join daninfo as

This is True - Bizarre But True
trueinfo@freecom.com --- subscribe

Internet Gaming Newsletter
majordomo@esosoft.com --- subscribe freeplay

Free Stuff by 800 phone call
majordomo@sara.zia.com --- subscribe zia-free-stuff-6

Something For Everyone
abozeman@aol.com ---
subscribe something for everyone newsletter

For Mutual Funds Investors
jwalker@qadas.com --- subscribe

3 Lists for Small Businesses
mbn@juno.com --- subscribe
murray@ecn.net.au --- subscription
mb-list-request@gamma.pair.com --- subscribe

For a listing of new lists starting up daily
listserv@listserv.nodak.edu --- sub new-list

To see a listing of active lists (a long list), access the internet at:
gopher://ftp.nic.surfnet.nl:71/00/surfnet/net-management/earn/services/listserv.lists
then e-mail to: listserv@listserv.net --- subscribe

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(07) The INTERNET and the TI99/4A

How Slow?

In this era of 300 to 500 megahertz computers, how could our old TI running at only 3 megahertz ever attempt to access the internet? If you
are one who has never used the TI for e-mail or web surfing, read on. The answers may suprise you. Even if you have used the TI on the internet with an old 2400 baud modem and found it unsatisfactory, you too
read on.

How Fast?

I could start out here by saying "connect a 56k v90 modem to the TI and jump in". Most people would stop reading right here, and dismiss
this article as some whacko dreaming. So, we shall start at the begining and gradually work up to speed.

Let's Start

First of all, if you have gotten this far, I will assume that you have a TI99/4A console with 32k expansion memory and at least one disk
drive and a RS232 card. There are now three more things required.

1; Modem
2; Terminal Program
3; ISP (Internet Service Provider)

Most any standard external modem will work. Don't try a synchronous modem such as may have been used in a bank terminal, it will not work.
The same goes for a ISDN modem, it probably will not work either. If you have an older 1200 or 2400 baud modem, it will work, but be too slow to
be of any practical value. Anyone still using or considering using the TI for internet purposes, will likely be doing so for one of two reasons;

1; You like the TI and would rather use it than a newer computer.
2; You can not afford to buy a newer system.

If you fall into the first catagory and can afford it, buy a 56k external modem. It will work with the TI as well as with a PC.
Those in the second catagory on a strict budget, may actually be able to save money by upgrading to a faster modem. If your service
provider charges by the hour, then a faster modem means more data in less time, so a lower connect charge. Newer 9600 and 14,400 modems won't set
any speed records, but are much more capable than older 2400 baud models, and are quite acceptable.
These can often be found in thrift stores, flea markets, ham fests, yard sales, and other places for $10 or so.

There are many terminal programs available for the TI. Telco seems to be the most popular, followed by Fasterm, MassTransfer, and others.
One important needed feature of a terminal program is good VT100 emulation. The reason for this will become obvious later on. The
remainder of this article will be centered around two terminal programs, Term-80 and ZT4. These were both written by Jeff Brown from Canada and
provide near perfect VT100 emulation, as well as other features.

The most difficult part is finding a proper Internet Service Provider, "ISP". The TI does not seem to have the capability, at least
at this time, to implement a IP stack. This means that there is no possibility of connecting the TI
to the internet through a "PPP" Point to Point Protocol, or "SLIP" Serial Line Internet Protocol". Major service providers such as America On Line will not work
with the TI. However many users report good success using the TI on Delphi and Compuserve with a text base interface. See the TIFAQ at
ftp://ftp.whtech.com where John Bull describes in detail using the TI with delphi. Many local and regional internet providers offer what is
known as a unix shell account. This type of service is usually not advertized, so you will have to call several and specifically ask for a
shell account.
It could be that none are available in your area, at least with a local phone number. This can make things more difficult, but don't give up yet.
Many libraries and schools offer text based internet access. Some of these are totally free, and others charge a small fee. Try http://ofcn.org for
a list of some of the free nets around the world. This list is not all inclusive, but may be of some help.

Set Things Up.

Let us assume for the moment, that you have been unable to find any suitable ISP, but can connect through your local library. Boot your
favorite terminal program, and set the parameters accordingly. But what is accordingly?
This will depend on the program used and your modem. In general, you will want to set the modem speed somewhat slower than the speed in the
terminal program, disable hardware flow control, and enable XON/XOFF software flow control. ZT4 is an exception here as it uses RTS/CTS, more
on this later. For a cable from the TI RS232 card to the modem, you will need a minimum of three wires. Pins 2 and 3 crossed and 7 straight through is
all that is needed for Term-80. In the Telco docs are the pinouts for a cable for use with Telco and others. The separate section on ZT4 will have the
pinouts for it. Now type "ATDT" (not case sensitive) and the phone number. The modems will negotiate a connect speed, compression used, and other
parameters.

Ready to Login.

The first thing you will see on the screen after the modem tones are done is "connect 14400" or some other speed you have selected. The next
will be a login prompt. This may be guest, visitor, or something else which will be displayed on the screen. For example, login to the Three
Rivers Free Net is TRFN, which is displayed as the guest login. A password may or may not be required. If it is, you will be told what to
use, many times it is just enter. Next you will likely be asked for your terminal type, with the default being 4VT1005. That is the server you
are logged on to will expect codes as if they were coming from a genuine VT100 terminal. Likewise your terminal program must be able to accept
VT100 escape codes to display the data correctly. This is the all important VT100 emulation mentioned at the begining of this article,
that Term-80 and ZT4 provide so well. Some of the other terminal programs don't do such a good job in this area.

Now What?

After two or three screens of information about the service, you are ready to begin. Most folks will have at least several reasons for
wanting to use the internet, 4e-mail, web browsing, and downloading files. 5Lory Werths has done a lot of research and testing in the area
of e-mail, to find out which services work well with 4lynx5, and the TI. 4Lynx5 is a text based browser that is used on virtually all the
text based connections. Simply hit g or G for go, and you will be prompted for the URL. URL is the acronym for "Uniform Resource Locator",
commonly known as the internet address. The addresses for the three free e-mail services that Lory has found to be the best are; hotmail.com,
mailcity.com, and excite.com . The "http://www." does not usually have to be used with lynx , as it puts that in automatically. Try all
three to see which one you prefer. In each case a short form has to be filled out.
Now as there is no such thing as a free lunch, free e-mail comes with a small price. That price is some advertizing from various sponsors that
pay for the e-mail. Now just as you typed in a address for e-mail, any internet address can be typed in after hitting G for go. Some dialup
free nets such as TRFN in Pittsburgh may not allow MAIL or FTP. This can usually be circumvented by using lynx to go through a search service
like "altavista.com".
Type in a search string as "free email", then choose one from the list presented. This may confuse the script file running lynx enough that
e-mail will work. Although the explanation of "confuse the script" is not exactly accurate, the bottom line is that it will most times work.

Update: Lory just sent an email saying that Hotmail now has the option of using a virus scan for incoming mail, a nice feature.

As mentioned above, lynx is the text based browser that can be used to access almost any web site in the world. I say almost, because
if the service you are on does not have the latest version of lynx, 2.8 at this time, there are some sites that can not be accessed. One
example of this is http://99er.interspeed.net , Rich Polivka's excellent TI site. This one requires the latest version of lynx to
connect. Upon connecting to some sites, you may see virtually a blank screen with [FRAME], or [IMAGE], or [INLINE]. These pages were made for
a graphics browser only. With the cursor on one of names and hitting enter may or may not bring up some text.
However, a properly written web page will be useful to both lynx and graphics browsers. It is beyond the scope of this article to provide a
complete tutorial on using lynx, but here are a few key commands to get you started.

d Download a selected file or link
f Show a menu of options for the current File
g Goto a URL
h Help
k Show a list of Key bindings
l List reference links in the current document
o Set Options
s Enter a Search string for an external Search
n Goto the next Search string
z Cancel transfer in progress
^g Cancel input or transfer
^r Reload current file
^w Refresh the screen
^t Toggle Trace mode on and off
] Send a Head request for the current document or link
@ Toggle raw 8 bit translations or CJK mode on or off
\ Toggle document source or rendered view
= Show file and link info
/ Whereis querry for a string in current document
fctn 9 History page

Other keys are "spacebar" for page down, "hyphen (-)" for page up, "FCTN E and X" to scroll up and down between links on a page, "FCTN S" to
go back a link, and "FCTN D or enter" to act on a link.

Some functions such as an address book and logging to a file are not possible without having your own login shell account.

To download a file, simply put the cursor on the file name or link you want to download and hit the letter "D". Another screen will come up
that may look like this;

Save to Disk (Disabled)
Use Zmodem for Download
Use Kermit for Download

Yep, Save to Disk is out since it is disabled. No terminal program for the TI has Kermit transfers so far as I know. So that only leaves
Zmodem which the TI won't do either. Fortunately Zmodem calls up the SZ program. SZ stands for send zmodem, but also includes SX and SY for send
xmodem and ymodem. Select either X or Y modem from your TI download menu, and the rest is automatic.

Some Specifics

The two terminal programs I use every day are Term-80 and ZT4. The full commercial version of Term-80 which is now fairware is available on
the Huggers BBS at 317-782-9942. ZT4, shortened from ZT4-80_PRG, is available on my web page at "rams1.rasd.k12.pa.us/~kingt", in three
different forms.
There is the ZT4 executable file and two readme files separatly, or the complete source in a ZIP file or two ARK files. The source files known
collectively as VTX113, are open source public domain. Programmers are encouraged to make enhancements to the program and share them with the TI
community.

Term-80 is almost a full featured terminal program, lacking only in a log file and scroll back buffer. But things like the autodialer, macro
functions, good speed, and the excellent Y-modem batch download capabilities make the program worthwhile. Term-80 uses XON and XOFF
software hand shaking, and will work at 19,200 bps, but is more comfortable at 16,800 bps. ZT4 is not a complete terminal program in the
sense that it does not support any functions other than connecting with VT100 emulation. In other words there is no autodialer, download
capabilities, or other features. But, because ZT4 uses RTS/CTS hardware handshaking and some software tricks, it is very fast. With a standard
TI console speeds of 38,400 bps, although faster than tests indicate, work very well. With the load interrupt modification to
the console a 56k modem can be used at full speed.

One feature common to both Term-80 and ZT4, is an 80 column screen without an 80 column card. This is accomplished by using a three pixel
wide character set. As one can imagine, this is not the easiest text to view. However, there are a few things that can help. If possible, use a
monochrome monitor, if not then turn the color down. The TMS9918 is not too kind to us with color bleeding and shadows. The published modification of
changing the video amplifier load resistor to a lower value does help some. Also setting the text to black on a white or light colored
background, is easier for most people to read. Probably the main thing is practice, and getting your eyes and mind used to the different way
characters are displayed. This is especially true of characters like the at sign @ and tilde ~.

Now for some cables. Term-80 only needs three wires. Two and three crossed, and seven straight through to the modem. VTxx113 or ZT4 takes a
few more because of the hardware handshaking.

TI - MODEM

Gnd 1 --- 1 Gnd
Rxd 2 --- 3 Txd
Txd 3 --- 2 Rxd
Rts 5 --- 4 Cts
Dsr 6 --- 20 Dtr
Rtn 7 --- 7 Rtn
Cts 20 --- 5 Rts

One of the easiest ways to make this cable, is to take a standard serial cable, cut it in the middle and splice the needed wires together.
This configuration will also work with Term-80, Telco, and most other TI terminal programs.

The next article in this series will provide some information for those that have their own unix shell account.
Some things to be discussed are;

1. Common unix commands
2. Using pine email with the address book and other features
3. Custom configuring lynx and the book mark file
4. A little HTML, enough to be dangerous
5. Logging on to remote computers with telnet
6. FTP, the real stuff for file transfers
7. FunnelWeb, the web page editor
8. Logging the output of programs to a file
9. Using the pico editor
10. Modifying the TI console to use a 56k modem at full speed


Any questions, comments, or suggestions to: Lew King
e-mail kingt@rams1.rasd.k12.pa.us
PO Box 144
Industry,Pa 15052-0144 USA
724-643-4791

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(08) Potential But Not Likely Hallmark Cards

1. So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day...
Look at the bright side,
she's a really good lay.

2. My tire was thumping....
I thought it was flat....
when I looked at the tire_
I noticed your cat... Sorry

3. You had your bladder removed
and you're on the mends....
here's a bouquet of flowers
and a box of Depends.

4. You've announced that you're gay,
won't that be a laugh,
when they find out you're one
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

5. Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
'Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy.

6. Heard your wife left you...
How upset you must be...
But don't fret about it ....
She moved in with me

7. Your computer is dead...
it was once so alive
Don't you regret installing
Windows 95?

8. You totaled your car...
and can't remember why...
could it have been...
that case of Bud Dry?

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(09) Easy Answers to Difficult Questions

Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

How does a spoiled rich girl change a light bulb?
She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam."

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.

What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than a "A" bra.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.

Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
They have big fingers.

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((10) Helpful Tips To Make Life Simpler

Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.

Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.

Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you
have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).

If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble
full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

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(11) Barry Traver's Genial TRAVelER

One of the leading lights in the TI world during the 1980s was Barry Traver of Philadelphia. One of Barry's many projects was a "diskazine"
called Genial TRAVelER. CaDD Electronics, developer of PC99, has been negotiating with Barry for permission to release TRAVelER to current TI
users. As of December 16, this permission was granted.

The CaDD GT package has been uploaded to Don O'Neill's web site and will be made available to any TI user by Don. We upload to Don's incoming
directory, and when Don is satisfied that the material is bona fide, he moves it to a publicly available download area.

The package consists of two files: genitrav.exe (about 15Mb) and gtdisks.exe (about 3Mb)

genitrav.exe is a self-extracting file that will create a 54Mb Adobe Acrobat pdf file. This pdf file contains an introduction to Genial
TRAVelER, a list of all issues and their contents, a list of all files on the GT disks, and every D/V80 file on the GT disks. It totals 925
pages. Some of this material has been superseded, but there is a large volume of important files and discussions on many aspects of the TI. You
must have the Adobe Acrobat Reader (free from www.adobe.com) to view this file. Using the Reader, you can then print
selected or all pages.

gtdisks.exe is a self-extracting file that contains all the GT disks in PC99 .dsk format. These are binary copies of the original GT disks. When
a GT disk contained an archive file, these have been extracted and separate disks have been created. If these extracted disks contained
D/V80 files, these have been included in the pdf file.

We hope you enjoy it.
Regards, Mike Wright (for CaDD Electronics) mjmw@ix.netcom.com

Don O'Neil wrote: These files are now available in a directory called genitrav under pub at ftp://ftp.whtech.com. Enjoy!

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(12) Urban Myths

I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.

So anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over. When he got out
of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN and he saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!"

But he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his
hard drive if he opened an e-mail entitled "Join the crew!"

He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on software to save us from Armageddon when the year 2000
rolls around. His program will prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get together & distribute the $600 Neiman Marcus cookie recipe
under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true - I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a
free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.)

The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed
with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome to the world of AIDS."

Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital. The same hospital where the little boy who is dying of cancer is; the one whose last wish
is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he
receives.

I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's and o's in the shape of an angel. (If you get it and forward it to twenty people you
will have good luck; forward to ten people you will only have ok luck, and if you send it to less than ten people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).

So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving along without his lights on. To be
helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.

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(13) Lines from Actual Resumes

1. "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
2. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms."
3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
4. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
5. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
7. "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
8. "Let's meet , so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
9. "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."
10. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
11. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
12. "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
13. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
14. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
15. "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing."
16. "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
17. "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
18. "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
19. "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."
20. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
21. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
22. "Marital status: often. Children: various."
23. "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn't work under those conditions."
24. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
25. "Finished eighth in my class of ten."
26. "References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

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(14) How to Make a Bootable 800K Horizon

The boot eprom on the Geneve only has routines for up to Quad density disks, so we will have to "fool" it when reading our "High Density"
ramdisk so it can find the proper sectors where SYSTEM/SYS is located.

Format the ramdisk with Form3meg, choose Y for "Set disk to boot MDOS" and Y for "Load SYSTEM/ SYS from disk to ramdisk" and go ahead and load
the file on the ramdisk.

Now that SYSTEM/SYS is on the Ramdisk, you will need to find the File Descriptor Record for it. Load up "Disk Utilities" or some other sector
editor. The sector will begin with the filename and will probably be sector >4 or >8. Write this sector down.

You'll also need to find the first actual data sector of SYSTEM/SYS. This sector includes the string "reassembling". Write this sector down also.
It will probably be >200.

Now for the thinking part. We will be editing bytes >1C, >1D, and >1E of the sector with the FDR (either >4 or >8, you DID write that down, did'nt you?)
We will be interested in the 6 nybbles, or digits, of these three bytes. Let's number them 1 through 6 starting at the left digit of byte >1C.

Here's what the Nybbles mean:
Nybbles 4, 1, and 2, in that order, are the starting sector of the file.
Nybbles 5, 6, and 3, in that order, are the number of sectors of actual data in the file.

So if bytes >1C, >1D, and >1E are >40, >F0, and >1F, the FDR is telling us we have a file that starts at sector >040 and the data in it is >1FF
sectors long (for any MDOS over version 2.50, at least). Well the length is ok, but the Geneve will load the wrong data, because it thinks the
file starts at sector >040 instead of sector >200! You'll get a lock-up, because the wrong data was loaded in ram where SYSTEM/SYS is supposed to be.

So lets fix it. If we edit Bytes >1C, >1D, and >1E to be >00, >F2, and >1F, the we are telling the eprom that the file starts at sector >200 and
is >1FF sectors of data in length, where the eprom will find the correct data.

If you've done everything right, the Geneve will now boot from the ramdisk! If not, you'll have to disable the ramdisk via the on-off
switch, reboot from floppy, turn the ramdisk back on, then start over and do it correctly the next time. It DOES work, I've been doing it for
years.

For a 1.44m floppy, copy SYSTEM/SYS onto a "clean" disk. The FDR will be at sector >4. Edit Bytes >1C, >1D, and >1E to be >00, >F2, and >1F
(again, this is for MDOS version 2.50 and greater).

WARNING! Do not perform any file operations such as copy, move or delete on the SYSTEM/SYS file after you have made these changes! You can copy
other files to or from the disk, but file operations on SYSTEM/SYS will corrupt all sorts of things on the disk, just don't do it!

The information which enabled me to come up with this procedure can be found on pages 61 through 63 of the HFDC manual, "File Descriptor
Records".

If you don't understand the above instructions, just ask and I'll try and address any problems you may have in this procedure.

Tony Knerr
72070.573@compuserve.com

addendum:
I apologize for forgetting about LOAD/SYS in my previous instructions for making a bootable 1.44m floppy. Here's what you need to do for that file.

Copy LOAD/SYS onto the floppy after you have copied SYSTEM/SYS.

Make the changes to the SYSTEM/SYS FDR as stated in my previous message.

The first six bytes of the data for LOAD/SYS are: >0000, >06DC, >A000.
You'll find these at the start of sector >400.

The FDR for LOAD/SYS will be at sector >8. Bytes >1C, >1D, >and >1E will need to be changed from >00, >71, >00 to >00, >74, >00 per the
information in my previous message.

Now the floppy is bootable. Do not do any file operations on these two files as you will not be reading or writing to the proper sectors and
you'll also mess up the bitmap. It's ok to add or remove other files on the disk, just don't do anything to SYSTEM/SYS or LOAD/SYS.

Again, if you need further assistance, feel free to contact me.

Tony Knerr
72070.573@compuserve.com

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(15) Solve This Riddle:

Five girls were at a party and the hostess put a teal or purple ribbon in each of their hair. The hostess whispered to each girl whether she was
to tell the truth or tell a lie about the color of ribbons in the other girl's hair. None of the girls knew the color of the ribbon in their own
hair. Each girl wearing a teal ribbon makes a true statement and each girl wearing a purple ribbon makes a false statement. (A girl named
Jamie doesn't count because she was too shy to say anything.)

Here's what each girl said:

Jennifer - Three of you have purple ribbons and only one of you has a teal ribbon
Kaitlyn - Everyone is wearing a teal ribbon
Alicia - I can see three teal ribbons and only one purple one
Samantha - You are all wearing purple ribbons

What color ribbon is each girl's hair?
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