The Milwaukee Area T.I. User Group presents

The World Wide 99ers Newsletter

********* April 2004**********


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Back issues are still available.




(00) Law Quiz
(01) Pithy One-liners
(02) April: Who Wants to be a Millionaire??
(03) News From Texas Instruments
(04) Giggles
(05) Seven Things To Do When Your ISP Goes Down
(06) TI-99/4A - TI99HOF Announcement
(07) Test For Men Only
(08) Advice For Women
(09) What Are Little PC's Made of?
(10) TI-99/4A - Jim Peterson Achievement Awards Ballot
(11) Where Does SPAM Come From??
(12) Which Type of Woman Do You Prefer?
(13) TI-99/4A - Released: MYS and POWER for the SCSI/Geneve
(14) Hospital Charts
(15) April is National Gardening Month
(16) TI-99/4A - (Olug) Free TI-99 Website Space on
(17) Ten Top Indicators
(18) Answers Law Quiz
(19) Who Wants to be a Millionaire Answers



(00) Law Quiz:

1. The notion of a police force as a protective and law enforcement organization extends back at least this far?
A. The Roman Empire
B. The Renaissance
C. Henry the VIII
D. Napoleon

2. What does Interpol mean?
A. Latin for connection
B. It is a made up name for thriller books and movies
C. The International Police Agency
D. The International Criminal Police Organization

3. Who is responsible for safeguarding and transporting federal prisoners in the U.S.?
A. The FBI
B. The CIA
C. The Secret Service
D. The U.S. Marshal Service

4. Which fact about law enforcement in the U.S. is true?
A. There is no national police force
B. There are no state police forces
C. There are no county police forces
D. There are no city police forces

5. The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms (ATF), investigates violations of tax laws related to alcohol and tobacco.
What government agency does the ATF fall under?
A. Department of Justice
B. Department of the Treasury
C. Department of Agriculture
D. Department of Commerce

Answers at the end (Menu 18)
Return to Index


(01) Pithy One-liners

Trust everyone but cut the cards.
The harder you work the luckier you get.
If I had known I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself.
It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.
Wouldn't it be nice if life were a little like a computer keyboard? Everybody needs an "escape" key sometimes.
It's good sportsmanship not to pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a baldhead and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
I asked my instructor how I could cut ten strokes off my golf score. He told me to quit on the 17th hole
I'm growing old by myself; my wife hasn't had a birthday in years.
The trouble with my wife is that she has a weight problem. Every time I want sex, she says, 'Wait
A synonym is a word you use if you can't spell the other one
The buck doesn't even slow down here.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
I once spent a year in Philadelphia; I think it was on a Sunday.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being such a fool about it.
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

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(02) April: Who Wants to be a Millionaire??

Which of the following is the term for an investor who anticipates a rise in stock prices?
A. Bear
B. Boar
C. Bull
D. Steer

In the television series 'The Six Million Dollar Man', who did Steve Austin report to?
A. Reubin Kincaid
B. Jim Phelps
C. Oscar Goldman
D. Charlie

During the Persian Gulf War, what color ribbon was popularly used to honor American Soldiers ?
A. Red
B. Blue
C. Black
D. Yellow

In the U.S. music business, when an album 'goes platinum', a minimum of how many copies have been sold?
A. 100,000
B. 200,000
C. 500,000
D. 1,000,000

What magazine did Miramax Films cofound?
A. People
B. TV Guide
C. Elle
D. Talk

Which of the following was discovered by Galileo?
A. Moons of Jupiter
B. Ring of Kerry
C. Star of David
D. Laura Palmer

Who of the following has never been related to actor George Clooney?
A. Rosemary Cloone
B. Jose Ferrer
C. Debby Boone
D. Mark Wahlberg

According to the Bible, what is the moral of 'The Prodigal Son', parable?
A. Trust
B. Forgiveness
C. Freedom
D. Justice

In what arithmetic process would you find a minuend and subtrahend?
A. Addition
B. Subtraction
C. Multiplication
D. Division

Which of the following cities has never hosted a world's fair?
A. Seattle, Washington
B. Osaka, Japan
C. Toronto, Canada
D. Knoxville, Tennessee

The name of which state originates from an Indian word meaning 'at the long tidal river'?
A. Connecticut
B. Mississippi
C. California
D. Missouri

Howard University was named after which founding member of the Freedman's Bureau?
A. J. Imogene Howard
B. General Oliver Howard
C. Howard Taft
D. Edwin Clarence Howard

What scale is used to measure the damage caused by an earthquake?
A. Mercalli
B. Saffir-Simpson
C. Humboldt
D. Volcus

The words to the song "Hail to the Chief" come from a poem written by which of the following people?
A. Sir Thomas Malory
B. Francis Scott Key
C. Sir Walter Scott
D. James Sanderson

What was the first company to air a television commercial in the United States?
A. Texaco
B. Sweetheart Soap
C. Bulova Company
D. Geritol

Answers at end (Menu 19)
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(03) News From Texas Instruments

Dallas Texas -AP- Texas Instruments Inc. confirmed Wednesday it will not introduce a home computer this year,
asserting it never intended to despite reports to the contrary.
The Wall Street Journal and the New York Times both reportedv Wednesday that Texas Instruments had canceled plans
to introduce the new machine, the 99-8, this year as a successor to its current 99-4A home computer, whose poor sales
earlier this year resulted in a $119 million loss for Texas Instruments in the second quarter.

"About the 99-8 ... it's speculation from the outside," said Texas Instruments spokesman Norman Neureiter.
"There has never been such a product announced. We made the decision that there would be no new computer console
introduced to the market this year and we'll be concentrating our efforts on the 99-4A home computer.
"The company has never officially announced such a product or said when it may be available. Those are the facts
from the company's point of view. Some people felt strongly about knowledge on the 99-8 to write about it. The rumor went
through the business community .... I can't describe something which doesn't exist.

"Through the Christmas season we'll be concentrating on the 99-4A. We have the largest TV merchandising, emphasizing
the utility of this machine .... a head start for students."
Last month, however, the Wall Street Journal had said Texas Instruments was soon expected to unveil the 99-8, and it
quoted some of the company's distributers as describing the machine as having a microprocessor that was much faster than the
one used in the 99-4A. The newspaper also said the 99-8 was expected to carry a price between $200 and $300 compared with
about $100 for the 99-4A.

Egil Juliussen, chairman of Future Computing Inc., a research firm in Richardson, Texas, said the lack of a new
Texas Instruments home computer was unlikely to hurt the company's financial performance in the current quarter.
"A new product would have been nice, but it's not required," Juliussen said. "They'll probably do quite fine this
last quarter."

This past summer, Texas Instruments tried to cut its losses by laying off about 1,000 employees and hiring a new
manager, Peter A, Field from the Procter & Gamble Co., for the consumer electronics division that makes the home computer.
However, the company's home computer sales in July and August lagged behind even revised projections, Mark Sheperd,
chairman and chief executive, said last month in remarks for a meeting with institutional investors.
Hence, there is some doubt among industry observers as to whether Texas Instruments, relying on just the 99-4A, and
its related software and peripheral equipment, can make inroads against othet home computer makers in the heavily
competitive industry.

Dated: Thursday, October 13, 1983

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(04) Giggles

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy efficient kind.
But this week I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work had been completed a whole year ago and I had yet to pay for them.
Boy oh boy, did we go around!
Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.
So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year
... that in one year the windows would pay for themselves.
There was silence on the other end of the line so I just hung up and I haven't heard back from them.

Guess I won that stupid argument.


Q. How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One.
Only ONE!! And do you know WHY?
Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb!
They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!
They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out.
And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light
bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS!
But if they did, by some miracle, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the
chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would

.........I'm sorry... what did you ask me?


As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge to grab you
and squeeze you, because I can't forget last night. You came to me unexpectedly
during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me.
You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any reservations, you laid
on my naked body ..... you sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry
mouth to me without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me nearly crazy
while you drained me. Finally I went to sleep.
Today when I woke up, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only
the sheets bore witness to last night's events.
My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishing, making it harder to forget you.
Tonight I will remain awake waiting for you .......

..... Stupid pesky mosquito.

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(05) Seven Things To Do When Your ISP Goes Down

1. Dial 911 Immediately.
2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2
3. You mean there's something else to do?
4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.
5. Work.
6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.
7. Get that kidney transplant you've been putting off.

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(06) TI-99/4A - TI99HOF Announcement

To all the members of the TI99er community.
We are very pleased to announce the formal launch of the TI99'ers Hall of Fame
website at together with the induction of the following

Art Green - TI Assembly Software Author
Lee Kitchens - Manager of Engineering for the TI Consumer Operations
MICROpendium - John Koloen, Publisher and Laura Burns, Editor
Beery Miller - Geneve 9640 Guru
Jim Peterson - Tigercub Software
Lou Phillips - Communicator, Entrepreneur, Developer, and Dreamer

We, as members of the first Board of Governors, are pleased to present this
site to the TI99er community and hope that you will nurture and make it grow
to its full potential.

As a first step please distribute this announcement to all your friends in
the TI99er community, past or present anywhere in the world.

Secondly, think about TI99ers who should be nominated for future induction
in the TI99HOF to join the six which we have already inducted. There are
many more, equally deserving individuals or organizations, past and present
around the world, who should be nominated. Our website contains Nomination

Procedures which should be followed and we are very willing to help you with
the preliminary biography for your chosen nominee by making suggestions for
improvements, if any are required. Regretfully, we do not have the time or
resources to prepare the biography for you.

Thirdly, we need some more TI99ers to serve on the Board of Governors. The
main duty of a governor is to review submitted nominations and periodically
to vote on the suitability of admitting a nominee to the TI99HOF. I am sure
that, once you visit the site and read the various pages, you will agree
that the hard work of organizing has already been done. In addition, most
Management Committee jobs are already spoken for. We need individuals who
have some knowledge of the history of the TI99er community or are willing to
acquire same and are willing to help make this site one of the premier
TI-99/4A sites. Your time commitment need not be onerous.
Please do not hesitate to contact me or any other member of the Board of
Governors, if you require further information.

Check out
Jacques Groslouis
Chair of the TI99HOF Board of Governors
1747 Riverbank Drive
Bathurst NB E2A 4L1

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(07) Test For Men Only

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However, women will also benefit by reviewing them, so that they get to understand men and thereby enrich their own lives.

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire earth. You decide to:
A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.

2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?
A. Innocence
B. Idealism
C. Cherry bombs.

3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the Pope (but not on the lips)!
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.

4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.

5 You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football game; she's reading the papers when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?
A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on third and seventeen.

6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?

7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school.
Your first question to her is:
A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
B. "They're in school already?"
C. "We have three of them?"

8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody, and we are not naming names, (but this would be his wife) is quietly trying to discard his underwear.

9. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. Remote control.

10. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?
A. He was being tested.
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
C. He refused to ask for directions.

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(08) Advice For Women

1. Don't imagine you can change a man unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? SHUT THE DOOR!
3. If they put a man on the moon---they should be able to put them all there.
4. Never let your man's mind wonder---it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for younger men. You might as well, they never mature.
6. Men are al the same---they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men---most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years.
Even in bibical times, men wounldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you are interested in, tell him "checkbooks".
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes.
It means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

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(09) What Are Little PC's Made of?

As far as weight is concerned, what goes into building one PC is roughly the same as what goes into building a midsize automobile.
Approximately 1.8 tons of material are required to manufacture the average desktop PC and monitor (17 inch CRT),
at least 529 pounds of fossil fuels,
49.5 pounds of chemicals, and 3307 pounds of water.
Also 3.75 pounds of fossil fuels and chemicals and 70.5 pounds of water are used to produce a single 32MB DRAM memorial chip.

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(10) TI-99/4A - Jim Peterson Achievement Award Nominations (Class of 2004)

This is a call for VOTES for Class of 2004 Jim Peterson Achievement Award.
(Vote for only ONE nominee.)
All votes must be addressed PRIVATELY to Glenn Bernasek.

TI-99/4A Community Service: (Vote for only ONE.)
Richard Bell Valuable repair service for the TI community.
Cory Burr "Win994a" (A TI-99/4A Simulator.)
Berry Harmsen Bringing the latest European software the USA.
Raphael Nabet "M.E.S.S." (TI-99/4A Emulator.)
Don O'Neil Providing site.
Hal Shanafield Organizing and administering many Chicago Faires.
Tom Wills Providing and managing OLUG for the TI community.

Since there is only one candidate nominated in the TI-99/4A Software, TI-99/4A Hardware
and Myarc "Geneve" 9640 categories, there is no call for votes for these categories.
Therefore, by the tacit approval of the TI-99/4A community, the Jim Peterson Achievement
Awards for TI-99/4A Software, TI-99/4A Hardware and Myarc "Geneve" 9640 will be awarded
to the unopposed nominee in each of these award categories.


A. All votes MUST be submitted PRIVATELY to:
Glenn Bernasek
Secretary - TI-Chips
13246 Harper Road
Strongsville, Ohio 44149-3942
- or -
E-mail directly to:

B. Voting will conclude midnight, (USA, Eastern Daylight time) April 30, 2004.
Nominations for the Jim Peterson Achievement Awards are closed. (Except where noted.)
This is a call for EDITING Jim Peterson Achievement Award nominations.

NOTE 1: While anyone may recommend changes to the nominee list, only nominators or
nominees can authorize changes to their respective nomination(s).
All recommendations and/or observations must be addressed PRIVATELY to Glenn Bernasek.
This will NOT be an open forum for the public discussion of the
Jim Peterson Achievement Award nominations.

NOTE 2: Since emulators and simulators are not written to operate in the computer
systems they emulate or simulate, they are classified as "Community Service" achievement
nominations for their respective system emulation/simulation.

TI-99/4A Software:
Wolfgang Bertsch For writing CD-COMMANDER.
(Additional nominations will be accepted.)

TI-99/4A Hardware:
Thierry Nouspikel Designing the USB board for the TI-99/4A
(Additional nominations will be accepted.)

Myarc "Geneve" 9640:

Community Service:
Raphael Nabet "M.E.S.S." (Myarc "Geneve" 9640 Emulator.)
(Additional Nominations will be accepted.)

This is a one month editing period, during December, 2003, in which corrections and/or
deletions to the posted list of nominees may be authorized ONLY by the nominators and/or
nominees in their respective nominations.

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(11) Where Does SPAM Come From??

United States 57%
Canada 7%
China 6%
South Korea 6%
Netherlands 2%
All Others 22%

Hey!! We're Number ONE!!!!!!!!!!!

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(12) Which Type of Woman Do You Prefer?

1. HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

2. RAM Woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

3. WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

5. INTERNET Woman:
Difficult to access.

6. SERVER Woman:
Always busy when you need her.

She makes horrible things look beautiful.

8. CD-ROM Woman
She is always faster and faster.

9. E-MAIL Woman:
Of every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

10. VIRUS Woman:
Also known as "WIFE".
When you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources.
If you try to uninstall her you will lose everything.
If you don't try to uninstall her, you will be rendered useless ...
Either way, you lose.

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(13) TI-99/4A - Released: MYS and POWER for the SCSI/Geneve

Tonight I uploaded MYSPOWER.DSK (mess/v9t9 format) to WHT, which contains the following programs:
MYS SCSI Formatter v6.5
POWER v6.5

Complete source code is included. Once the file (MYSPOWER.DSK) is moved
into the correct location, I'm hoping someone can create an archive and
upload to Richard's BBS.

The programs have been tested on GenMOD and non GENMod Geneves with pdma and non-pdma SCSI cards.
You should read the !!README file...
and only use this with MDOS 6.5 or above.

Enjoy. Tim Tesch
InsaneMultitasker" <>

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(14) Hospital Charts

Actual Sentences Found on Patients' Hospital Charts
(Proves that those medical folks are right on top of things.
When you're pushed for time, it is so easy to write a note
and not take the time to reread and correct.)

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states
that she was very hot in bed last night.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a

3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears
to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in

6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert
but forgetful.

8. The patient refused autopsy.

9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant,
with only 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady

14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you
might like to work her up.

15. She is numb from her toes down.

16. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

17. The skin was moist and dry.

18. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her
life, until she got a divorce.

22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for
physical therapy.

23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and

24. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a
job as a stockbroker instead.

27. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

28. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we
should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

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(15) April is National Gardening Month

Organize a town beautification effort, visit a community garden, invite friends and neighbors to your garden, or volunteer at a school garden. For more ideas go to

April 22 - Earth Day

Discover native plants, share your 'habitat' with others, or sing the joys of composting to all who will listen. Find out about the public events at

April 23 - National Arbor Day

Plant a tree or at least give one a great big hug. Go to www, to find trees suited to your region and much more.

The longest zucchini ever grown measured 76 inches. Sher Singh Kanwal of Niagara Falls, New York, grew the 6-foot, 4-inch summer squash during the 2003 gardening season, breaking his previous record of 53 inches, which is included in Guinness World Records 2004. Next he may be aiming for the World's Largets Zucchini Bread record.

(thanks to the Organic Gardening magazine)

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(16) TI-99/4A - (Olug) Free TI-99 Website Space on

I upgraded my web hosting package today. For the same monthly rate and
only a $30 setup fee, my host upgraded my monthly bandwidth and gave me
an additional 700MB worth of disk space for a total of 1GB! I couldn't
pass it up!

What I would like to do is offer the use of some of the space to people
who would use it to develop their own TI-99 sites. The web space would
come with the same features that mine has- FTP access, and use of CGI
and PHP scripts.

The sites would be subdomains of mine, such as:
It would be in your own directory that you could FTP into as you please.
If you want to see what I'm talking about, take a look at Allan Kresock's
site at .

This was the same idea that I had a few years ago when I offered free
websites based on my domain name. However, this is *not* the same thing.
Although many people didn't realize it, that service was offered by a
third party who hosted all of the free sites on their server, and passed
requests for through to my server.

I wasn't very happy with the service- it was pretty 'klunky', their ads,
and the fact that membership was open to the public resulted in allot of
weird websites that had nothing to do with the TI.

After some people abused the service, I decided to pull the plug.
For anyone that wants to set up a site, I'm asking that you provide
original content that you will be updating regularly.

I'd like to stay away from things that are nothing more just a 'hello'
and a couple of pics of your system
(I'm considering installing some geocities-type software with templates
and a built in file editor to give people 1MB or so to do that).
Now, if there's something special about your system and you want to get
into the details about it, that's okay.

I'm also asking that nothing illegal/copyrighted/offensive/etc. be posted.
As far as space, I'm figuring 50MB or so per person,
but if you've got some really good stuff, I'd be willing to reconsider that.
If you think you'd like to take me up on this, please email me with your
ideas and we'll see if we can work something out.

Rich Polivka

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(17) Ten Top Indicators That Your Employer Switched to a Cheaper HMO

10. Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
9. Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when
you enter the trailer park."
8. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
7. The only proctologist in the plan is Gus from RotoRooter.
6. The only item listed under Preventative Care coverage is An
apple a day.
5. Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to
Goodwill last month.
4. The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network-
charges is not a typo.
3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.
2. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different
colors with little M's on them.

And the number 1 sign you've joined a cheap HMO:
1. You ask for Viagra; you get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.

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(18) Law Quiz Answers:

1. The notion of a police force as a protective and law enforcement organization extends back at
least this far?
A. The Roman Empire
The conception of the police force as a protective and law enforcement organization developed
from the use of military bodies as guardians of the peace,
such as the Praetorian Guard of ancient Rome.

2. What does Interpol mean?
D. The International Criminal Police Organization
I can tell you the story about the book editor who made an author change her story because
"Interpol" doesn’t exist which might make those that chose "B" feel better!

3. Who is responsible for safeguarding and transporting federal prisoners in the U.S.?
D. The U.S. Marshal Service
The U.S. Marshals Service also acts as marshals for U.S. courts.

4. Which fact about law enforcement in the U.S. is true?
A. There is no national police force
Most countries around the world do in fact have one though!
And who said the U.S. has everything!

5. The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms (ATF), investigates violations of tax laws related
to alcohol and tobacco. What government agency does the ATF fall under?
B. Department of the Treasury
The (ATF) also enforces laws controlling firearms and investigates bombings.

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(19) Who Wants to be a Millionaire Answers

100 C. Bull
200 C. Oscar Goldman
300 D. Yellow
500 D. 1,000,000
1000 D. Talk
2000 A. Moons of Jupiter
4000 D. Mark Walberg
8000 B. Forgiveness
16,000 B. Subtraction
32,000 C. Toronto, Canada
64,000 A. Connecticut
125,000 B. General Oliver Howard
250,000 A. Mercalli
500,000 C. Sir Walter Scott
1,000,000 C. Bulova Company

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